So here’s the thing: I’m writing today with two purposes. One is to let you know where things stand with my books, and the other is to let you know what has been going on for me.
But I’m telling you these two things for, actually, one reason alone. It’s simple: I love you all. You who read my books. You who share recommendations for them with your friends. You who picked them up on a whim and discovered, much to your surprise, that you really liked them. You who reach out to me to say how much you enjoy my stories, and you who support me in a thousand other ways. I don’t say that much because I’m probably the shyest person you’ll ever meet (or not meet; I like to stay hidden). But it’s true.
So this is where things stand: Right now, I’m working on numerous projects. The Altered Fate series, which is a continuation of the world from the Awakened Fate series. The next books in the Touch Me series, which are growing longer and edging toward novels, not novellas, because the story keeps getting better and bigger. Plus, there’s a spinoff of the Touch Me series, and other side projects that may or may not be connected to the Touch Me series. But this year has brought a culmination to something else too.
I don’t think there’s an easy way to explain depression. It’s illogical, because good things die in the face of it, while bad things end up the size of the world. It’s like the weather; you can’t control it. You try, but some days it beats you down like you’ve gone toe-to-toe with a hurricane. It doesn’t have a reason and it has a thousand reasons, and it’s like waging a war against smoke – and equally as exhausting. And it’s not self-indulgence, because when you’re in its clutches, you’re screaming at yourself to move. To act. To do fucking anything to save yourself, but you’re falling, falling, falling and you feel like you can’t stop the descent any more than you can fly.
And for me, it got ugly. Dark. Frightening.
But after a long haul of battling this bitch, I can say one thing: if you are struggling with depression, GET HELP. Please. Don’t suffer in silence. Find someone to talk to. A counselor. A trusted friend. And if those people don’t seem to be helping you, find somebody else. If you need it, take medication to help you. There is no shame in that, not even the littlest bit, because you’re saving your life. But whatever you do, do NOT give up, because this world needs you. YOU. YOU MATTER. And if you don’t feel like you matter to anyone else in the whole bloody world, then know this: you matter to me.
You absolutely matter to me.
‘Depression' is a mild word. A mundane, too-simple, underappreciated and overused word for a beast that has the power to devour your life. And it’s taken a heavy, dark and terrible toll on my life and my writing. But I want you to know that I’m still working on those stories you love. They may take a little while, but they have NOT been forgotten. I’m hopeful that the next Touch Me book will come this year. That the Altered Fate series will be coming soon as well. But whatever the timing, they’re happening. After all, I don’t like to give up – on anything. I’m fighting for these books, because they matter to me too.
If you or someone you know is struggling with depression, here are a few resources. Perhaps they’ll help.
Important Note: You do NOT need to be feeling suicidal to call these hotlines. They will talk with you about any number of issues you might be facing, including depression.
- Suicide Prevention Hotline
- You Matter: http://www.youmatter.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
- The Trevor Project (for LGBTQ youth):
- Blah Therapy: http://blahtherapy.com/
- Help Guide – Dealing with Depression: http://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/dealing-with-depression.htm
- UnSuicide: http://unsuicide.wikispaces.com/
- Useful book: Feeling Good by David D. Burns, MD: http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy-ebook/dp/B009UW5X4C/